Update on Condition

Roughly one week ago I received another round of consolidation chemotherapy. Since then I have remained in the hospital and am doing well, relatively speaking.

Because my cancer is in the blood, the chemotherapy must target the blood in general. My red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets are all wiped out in an effort to eradicate the cancer. The result is that I am completely anemic, I have no immune system, and my blood does not clot. At present all blood counts are still dropping, and I feel lethargic and generally very weak. I also have throbbing migraines, general nausea, my entire body is constantly itching from the chemo, I feel dizzy, and much more. Most of the side effects alone are tolerable, but in the aggregate, life becomes difficult. If I could get rid of one side affect alone, it would be the headaches, although the itchiness at night makes it difficult to sleep.

At any rate, I am stuck in the hospital until my immune system recovers. Having no immune system is the only thing that keeps me inpatient. Should I catch a cold, it will quickly turn into pneumonia, and I could die as a result. In fact, over 80 percent of leukemia patients die from infections rather than from the actual cancer. It is amazing how fragile we are without an immune system--a state called neutropenia.

I have experienced most of my physical pain while in this neutropenic state, and I nearly went into shock several times. There is a terrible disease called C difficile that put me in such a state of constant pain and agony whereby I prayed that God would either end my pain or end my life. It lasted for weeks and each minute was a grueling struggle. Oddly enough, had I died, the cause of death would have been listed as C difficile and not cancer. Again, if I were to catch pneumonia now, I would die as a result of pneumonia and not cancer. This is despite the fact that I would not have contracted either but for the cancer.

Interestingly, those who continuously contract C difficile must undergo a procedure known as a fecal transplant. Yes, that is what it sounds like: feces from a healthy person is inserted into their body via an endoscope or it is encapsulated and taken like a pill. Every time I Googled this, I thought I was reading an Onion article. And no, I did not have a fecal transplant, though many have volunteered to donate.