Isolation

Cancer is a very isolating disease.

I am currently a graduate student who spent my entire winter break in the hospital, over thirty days. My first day back to class, I heard people discussing vacations to Europe, Asia, and elsewhere in the U.S. I heard them discuss fashion, food, and various sites and wonders. I realized that I have nothing in common with them, and it is best if I do not speak to the other students at all.

If someone asks me what I did for for my break, I have two options. First, I can tell the truth at which point I kill all hopes of a normal conversation; nobody wants to think about cancer when they are remembering a fun vacation. Second, I can lie, but that gets old and I have to remember what I told to whom. Thankfully, this dilemma is largely solved by the fact that I do not know anyone at school.

The more I deal with cancer, the more I realize that I do not fit with this world or others. (I have been struggling with cancer for about two years now.) Although I feel completely isolated, there is the added benefit that I just could not care less about others' opinions of me. The result is that I say and do things that I never would have said before.

Before you jump to conclusions, I am not complaining. I am simply stating that cancer has changed my life to such an extent that my perspective is radically different from what it was and from that of most others. I have left Plato's cave, and I do not wish to return.