Donor Located; another Patient Dead

Today I received some fantastic news that the VA has found a donor, and I can move forward with the allogenic stem cell transplant (ASCT). Without this procedure, I have virtually no hope of survival. With the procedure, my chances vary significantly depending on who I talk to. Most doctors put my odds at 50/50 while some go as low as 15 or 20 percent. Most of the lower end statistics are from studies that I read. I'm finding that doctors often err in favor of optimism for the benefit of the patient.

While trying to gain some insight in the ASCT process, I read medical studies, pamphlets, and blogs from other individuals. I really wish that I stayed away from the latter. Every last blogger that I was reading is either dead or dying. In particular, one that I was following closely just passed after his second failed transplant. For those of us that relapse, there does not appear to be much hope. I wonder if someone later on down the road will come across this blog and think the same thing; i.e., dead man blogging.

The first time I contracted leukemia, I was very optimistic. The entire time I was told by my oncologists that there was very little chance of relapse. Only a few oncologists told me the truth, and I wish that I had listened to them. After hearing so much false optimism, I have a hard time believing favorable statistics. This procedure could just be another stepping stone on the path towards death.

This is a reminder that my ultimate hope is not in treatment, but it is Christ for salvation. Without Christ, I would not be able to cope. Sure I'm human, and I'm depressed on several occasions. I'm even depressed now as I realized that another recent blogger died. That being said, I am going to go about my day, make preparations for the transplant, and pray earnestly this evening. I do not pray for an extended life. Instead, I pray for an increase in faith and hope, knowing that this is fully in God's control. I either go home earlier than I anticipated, or I am given another chance at life as a fully changed and fully regenerated follower of Christ.