I'm still hanging in there. I have been spending my days either awake and managing the pain or sleeping. Basically, if I'm well enough to fall asleep, I just sleep. Although I still have symptoms from the BK virus, I am able to sleep in three or four hour blocks. Each day seems to blend together, and I don't know whether I'm progressing towards recovery or progressing in the other direction. The uncertainty of the situation is hard to grasp, and as a Christian I am battling with unbelief in terms of physical healing.
I read one of Spurgeon's sermons on unbelief, which is number 3 in his complete works (available for $0.99 on amazon for Kindle). Prior to this experience, I did not realize how rampant unbelief was, nor did I realize how it constantly manifests itself in our lives. Regardless of whether I pull through, this experience has undoubtedly changed me for the better and improved my relationship with God more than a hundred years of healthy living ever could have. Going forward, the desires I have for life and the things that I find joy in have changed such that I'm barely recognizable. I pray that if I recover I do not relapse in terms of cancer, but also that I do not relapse into my former state.
It's hard to imagine where I'll be even in one month, but I can promise you that I am not anxious about the situation. Yes, I'm human and I struggle mentally with some issues, but most of the staff at the hospital is impressed with how I am coping. Severe GVHD is very difficult for patients to manage because the pain is intense, the setback to recovery can be irrevocable, and the GVHD itself can be lethal.
So we keep praying and monitoring the situation. I'll bear in mind that "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21. If life does continue, it will never be the same.
Thank you for sharing...prayed for both your health and faith at church this morning. I have hope you will pull thru and continue to inspire.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the prayer Sean. Say hi to the family for me.
DeleteI think that second paragraph says the most profound thing of all. You continue to be prayed for by those who have been inspired by your message. May you stay strong for what lies ahead....a beautiful Life. Namaste, Lisa
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa. Either way, this will pass and a beautiful life indeed lies ahead.
DeleteWe are praying that the new treatment would make the hope of recovery a reality and would ease the pain you are experiencing.
ReplyDeleteThe pain is much less today. We just have to pray that the GVHD stays away. I posted a new update: we will begin the taper process again.
DeleteYou are in our prayers and the prayers of many others. Your testimony and persevering faith in the face of dire illness is a testimony we all appreciate. It will help grow our faith. The Flanagans in Vienna, VA
ReplyDeleteI am glad this helps push the gospel and strengthen the faith of others. I have to go through this regardless, no sense in wasting the experience. Plus I find that the more I use this for God, the happier I am. It's odd that I can be both miserable and filled with joy at the same time.
DeleteI'm going to check that book out. your post encourages me to seek God more.
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