"The girl who became emotionally distraught, and wavered at
each new set of circumstances is now grown up, a woman who has learned to rely
on God's sovereignty" Joni Eareckson Tada
Joni Eareckson Tada became a quadriplegic at an early age. She then went on to
become an angry, depressed, and suicidal young adult. Fortunately, God revealed
to her that He is bigger than any earthly tribulation. Although still in pain,
she has more joy in her life than most people I've known. Stories such as hers
really serve as an inspiration and a reminder that we can dwell on the negative
aspects of the present, or we can come to a knowledge that God is sovereign
overall.
Today was the first day that I was actually scared. Prior to the treatment, I
had thought of two outcomes: I either pass earlier than expected, or I beat
cancer. With GVHD and a constant stream of steroids, I am now presented with a
third option: To live in a very disabled state. Of course it is too early to
tell; but if my GVHD cannot be controlled, I will need to remain on a heavy
does of prednisone and tacrolimus. Those two steroids have harmful side effects
which require dozens of other essential drugs to protect ones body. I have so
many random, sporadic, and acute reactions; worse yet, who knows which drug is
the culprit. The cure could easily become debilitating, and that terrified me.
After I arrived home today, I listened to some sermons from John Piper at
desiringgod.org. For those who are suffering, depressed, or just need to be
reminded of the joy one can find in God, Piper's Desiring God seminar is very
inspirational. I do not know how this recovery will continue, but I do know
that God is greater than all of this. Whatever His plan, I am learning to find
my joy in Him. On the one hand, I do pray for relief and healing; on the other
hand, I thank God regularly for my afflictions which draw me closer to Him. It
is a paradox that I never understood until being diagnosed with cancer.
No comments:
Post a Comment