Don't Waste Your Cancer

"What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it, or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design." John Piper: Don't Waste Your Cancer.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer in March 2014, I turned to God out of fear. At the time, I was in such poor condition that the doctors were telling my family to prepare for my death. Locked up in the ICU for nearly a month, I managed to survive. However, I was completely disabled for a months: I could not walk, I was blind, I could not eat, I was neutropenic (which leads to many awful infections), and each day was a fight just to remain alive. During that time, I listened to many sermons and prayed about my current and future state. I then underwent six additional months of strong chemotherapy. My goal was to recover and regain my former life. To paraphrase the former BP CEO Tony Hayward after the oil spill, I just wanted my life back. From God, I simply wanted fire insurance, meaning I did not want to go to hell and mortality was certainly on my mind. Nevertheless, once I began healing, I noticed that I was slowly putting God on the back burner while I focused on trying to rebuild and restore my physical life. There were some changes that took place, but most were superficial and not the fruit of a true believer.

"Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin. Pride, greed, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, impatience, laziness, procrastination—all these are the adversaries that cancer is meant to attack." John Piper: Don't Waste Your Cancer.

After relapsing, the pain and suffering from this transplant has really allowed me to focus solely on Christ. The greater the pain, the more I reflect and meditate on His Word without other distractions. It has certainly been a privilege to experience such a transformation--a transformation that I pray remains.